What Was Said, What Was Heard

Ever been in a meeting where everyone speaks at once? Or maybe you called your boss and left a voicemail for him or her, only to get no response? Or perhaps the person you are talking to doesn't seem to understand what you're saying.

It's frustrating. Someone isn't hearing what the other person is saying, and that's where misunderstandings start and can lead to conflict.

Communication breakdowns don’t just happen at work. They can happen in any kind of relationship.

Your family, friends… it's not just with coworkers.

Most of us assume the fix is to talk more clearly. Clearer emails, better slides, a tighter pitch. That helps, and it still skips the step where most breakdowns happen.



We say something and assume it landed.

Then everyone walks away and acts on a slightly different version of the same conversation. We can close that gap with three habits:

1. Confirm what we heard

Listening carefully is the start, and taking notes helps. The part most of us skip is checking. Before the conversation ends, ask:

"What landed for you?"

"Here's what I heard. Is that right?"

It's a short question, and it catches the gap while it's still small. If there's still distance between what we need and what the other person says they can do, we keep asking until it's closed.

2. Keep the agreements we make

Plenty of breakdowns start after the conversation ends. Someone said they'd send the report by Friday, and Friday came and went.

Before we leave a conversation, both sides should be clear on what was agreed: who's doing what, and by when. Then we do what we said.

3. Repair when we can't keep them

Sometimes we can't keep our word. Plans change, priorities shift, something breaks.

When that happens, we tell the people affected as soon as we know, help clean up anything our miss caused, and agree on a new commitment we can keep. That's taking responsibility for our part, and it keeps one missed promise from becoming a trust problem.

Communication breakdowns are going to happen. We can't avoid all of them.

We can keep most of them small by listening to what's said and confirming what's received.

So think about the last conversation that went wrong for you.

Did anyone check what landed?