Access Points <Quote #55>
Access Point <Negative Feedback?>
“Nobody grows from negative feedback, including the one who is giving it.”
- James K. McPartland
If it is accurate that we get what we focus on, then emphasizing what is “wrong” can only lead to more of it. This is especially true when we talk to ourselves, as this is a series of conversations that occur in our heads all day long. When we fear making a mistake, being called out, judged, or are anticipating negative feedback, we will play not to lose as opposed to playing to win. If we are the one doling out the dis-empowering information, it is well worth considering our motive.
- Will we feel good if the other person feels bad?
- Do we want to provide teachable moments to inspire people to use our feedback as a force for good in their careers and in their lives?
- What do we want to gain from the interaction?
- How do we best learn from our own setbacks?
Each of us have blind-spots and these will blindside us if we are not responsible for the outcomes in our life. That said, all of us want to know that we are valued, measure up and are making a difference. At various points in time, no matter how mindful we are, we are all susceptible to how we think other people think about us. Awareness is a gift and when a feedback discussion is about to unfold, we would all do well to set the stage of our intentions and desired result. As John Maxwell says, "we are either winning or learning." To that end, the more powerful the lesson the more meaningful the conversation. Finally, the phrase is “growing pains” for a reason. Win-win is one of the best strategies that we -as human beings- can employ each and everyday of our lives.